Jack and the Beanstalk

Everybody knows the story of Jack and the Beanstalk. My mum read it to me when I was a kid growing up. I'd always felt sorry for poor Jack, and was very scared by the scary angry giant.


Fee-fi-fo-fum!

I smell the blood of an Englishman.
Be he 'live, or be he dead,
I'll grind his bones to make my bread!


That little verse used to send a shiver down my spine.

Ever looked at the story from a different angle?  I recently went on a training course that made me think about the story differently. 


The story begins with Jack being sent to market by his mother to sell their last possession - a cow.  So from the beginning we can tell that Jack and his mother are hard up.  Jack is from a single parent family and his mother is struggling to make ends meet.  The scene is set.


On the way to the market to sell the cow, Jack meets a stranger. Jack sells the cow for a bag of magic beans.  Why did Jack do this? Who is the stranger?  Has Jack fallen in with the wrong crowd?  After this point Jack seems to go off the rails.  This is where my childlike view of the story starts to change.
 
Jack gets home and has a blazing row with his mum about the 'beans' he swapped for a cow. Who can blame her?  Beans for a cow and magic ones at that, was he on drugs?  His mother throws the beans out of the window and sends Jack to his bedroom.  Overnight a gigantic beanstalk grows in Jacks garden. He immediately decides to climb to the top.
 
After making his way up the mighty beanstalk he comes to a magical castle in the clouds.  The castle is the home to a giant and his wife. So what does Jack now do?  He sneaks into the castle and meets the giants wife who he befriends.  When the wife says that her husband is coming home Jack steals some gold coins and runs away.  So young Jack has committed his first offence - a distraction burglary. He makes good his escape down the beanstalk and back to the safety of his home. Did Jack stop at this point? No, he becomes greedy and wants more.
 
Again he climbs the mighty beanstalk and breaks into the castle.  This time he finds the giant's pet, a hen that lays golden egg.  Jack is now a repeat offender, he is well on his way to a life of crime.  Again Jack makes his way down the beanstalk back to the safety of his home to share his new found wealth with his mother.  Now Jack has the means to live comfortably with the hen, does this stop him from committing another offence.  NO!!
 
Up the beanstalk he goes again, and this time the giant has got wise.  After being stung twice by the light fingered Jack he has installed a burglar alarm in the form of a magic harp.  So when Jack enters his home, and attempts to steal a golden harp it cries out for help.  The giant rushes back to his castle to try to protect his belongings and his home.  Jack hears the giant coming and runs to the beanstalk, and climbs down as fast as he can. The giant gives chase down the beanstalk, at this point some might say the giant is a 'have-a-go-hero'.
 
Jack climbs down the beanstalk and jumps to the safety of his garden.  Seeing the angry giant coming down the beanstalk he panics and picks up an axe.  Jack chops and chops at the beanstalk with all his might.  The beanstalk wobbles and shakes and finally falls to the ground with an almighty crash taking the giant with it.  The giant lies dead in a heap.  Jack can now add murder to his long list of offences.
 
The end

6 Months Later

It has been a long time since my last blog. My excuse is that I've been too busy. I purposely used the word excuse rather than reason, because 'being too busy' just sounds like an excuse.

As some of you who might read this blog now around 6 months ago I started a new job. It has been enjoyable, but it has been very hard work. In April of this year I started work as a Criminal Intelligence Analyst working for Greater Manchester Police. So far it has been a steep learning curve and I know I have still got a long way to go. I'm beginning to get into my stride and so the stress levels have dropped. Consequently I've got a bit more time on my hands. So I'm going to try and blog again!

As I am talking about my new job, I might as well continue the theme. So what exactly is a Criminal Intelligence Analyst? This is generally how my day goes...

I get in the office around 7am to the chimes of the Elvis wall clock. One of my colleagues collects wall clocks. There are around 10 scattered around the room, each showing a slightly different time. Then are clocks ranging from a Steven Segal clock to a clock that works backwards. There are two clocks that chime on the hour. First to go is the Looney Tunes clock, followed about 5 seconds later by the Elvis clock. The clock plays a few Elvis style guitar riffs and then Elvis words a different phrase each hour. I have to say that Elvis has a very short working day; he leaves the building at 2pm each day.

Once settled at my desk with a coffee and Elvis has had his say, I get on with my work. I have to plot any new offences that have occurred overnight on a map. I look at two weeks worth of data on the map, and clearly mark the overnight offences. Any hotspot areas will be analysed in detail to look for common MO's or any offender descriptions.

Once this is done I will use the data from within the hotspot area and look for peak times. The peak times are very important because they will be used to help with resourcing police staff in the local area. All this information is then passed on to Local Intelligence Officers (LIO's) who will add any recent intelligence that has been gathered and post all information to a bulletin website on the intranet. Once this has is complete I can move on to any other analysis work that I have been tasked with.

All the analysis work that I do is based on the National Intelligence Model (NIM). The NIM is ‘A Model for Policing’ that ensures that information is fully researched, developed and analysed to provide intelligence that senior managers can use to provide strategic direction, make tactical resourcing decisions about operational policing and manage risk. For those interested I will go in to this in greater detail in future posts.

For now I think that is enough for my re-entry back into the world of blogging.

New Laptop

I bought a new laptop today. Hopefully this will make me post on here a bit more than I have been doing. We'll see.

Al's Burger Dinner

Credit Crunch Presentation

The Crisis of Credit Visualized from Jonathan Jarvis on Vimeo.

An interesting presentation about the current global financial meltdown.

My favorite song at the moment. Taken from the radio 1 website taken from the Rob Da Bank show.

Goodbye Dean Windass

So Dean Windass doesn’t want to play for Oldham any more. Well all I can say to that is, sorry Dean but the majority of Oldham agree with you. The lack of effort you have put in since you arrived at Boundary Park has been shocking an embarrassment. David Eyres played well into his 40’s and he warmed up with more style passion, and played with a great deal more class than you did.

The highlight of your time here for me… The majority of people would say it was your ‘freak show’ at Leicester where you wowed the Sky Audiences with your amazing agility. In your head you were the hero to all around. You could see the headlines being written as you pulled on the green top and gloves. All I could see was you were knackered as usual and fancied a breather in the nets. No my highlight of your Oldham career was your 3 minute cameo role against Leeds the other night. At the end of the game you just ran straight up the tunnel. At the point I knew you’d finally thrown the towel in and I’m glad. Now maybe we can bring someone else in who can do a job.

You comments on your ITV blog over the past few weeks are a further embarrassment to you. Pleading Hull to let you come back. If they want or need a striker then I'm sure you want be getting a call, you can't even cut it in League 1. Your falling out with Phil Brown is beginning to sound awfully familiar.

So you’ve been dropped by a League 1 team, when you could have gone to a number of Championship Teams. What do you do, pull your socks up and try and put in a performance? NO! It shows a massive lack in confidence of your own ability when you can’t even stay and fight for your place in the team. You’re caught between a rock and a hard place now, you can’t go back to Hull and we don’t want you back here. Some might say you’ve engineered this because you’re scared of playing football again. I think in your head you know you’ve lost it and you’d rather sit in a comfortable Sky Studio casting comment. A sad end to a fairly respectable career.

If you have given up I believe yo have made the right decision, but you could have gone about it far better. Time to face the music Deano and make a few apologies, hang up your pink boots and pick up the Sky Headset.

You don't see this everyday!!

Manchester Phoenix v Nottingham Panthers

Here are the teams lining up for the national anthem. Manchester won a very exciting game 3 - 1